No. You. Don’t.
That’s a classic. Something I’ve learnt on this miserable old cancer journey is that I just don’t want to talk about it. And YES, I know I’m writing a blog, and thats kinda the same thing, right? Well, no. Not really. No one’s giving an un-thought out, insensitive, well intentioned but completely tactless reply to this…
I’ve learn that I don’t want to sit around and constantly drown in the horror of the situation. I don’t want to talk about Jonny in the past tense, or make in depth funeral arrangements. I don’t want to go on about how great he was. Or is. Or how much he loved me and how alone I’m going to be and oh how awful it all is.
I just don’t.
I’ve also learnt what NOT to say. Never, ever, ever, under any circumstance, EVER (and I really mean never, ever) tell someone you ‘know how they feel’. Because you just don’t. And if you did, you’d know not to say that. You can never really know how someone else feels because everybody grieves in different ways.
And no. You just don’t know how it feels because you’re not me.
So you met him a few times at a party, chatted once or twice on facebook and liked one of his statuses? Well then, why didn’t you say?! Your heartbreak and pain is definitely on the same level as mine so why don’t you repeatedly tell me that?!
I’m angry at the moment. Its the process of grief. And maybe I’m being harsh, but let me leave you with this: everyone is entitled to hurt for Jonny’s loss, and it may break your heart, but at the end of the day you go home and it goes away, you’re not left with the trauma of having watched him die, the emptiness of him not being in your bed or his bedroom and the reality that you’re now single(widowed)/an only child/parents to a dead son.
So please stop pretending this is about you.
Because it was only ever really about Jonny.